We are water

We ripple under a noon-time sun, a beaten up tired dock upon the water, green-blue tint at the edge of the sea, reflections of our selves watching, waiting for sight of dolphins.

Sand-castle dreams of life as we’ve become and we gaze beyond the horizon where the future lies, past the view of this moment, and we walk to the edge and look down within to see the silver-flecked fish move in time with the waves that move slowly by.

Dark forms meander to nowhere and head to somewhere out of view, a manatee alone lumbering below the surface, a delight for a moment and then it’s gone, slipped away in the endless blue. Nameless faces walk past, speaking in tongue to children in tow and a fisherman casts his net upon the slick silver spears that dart away and he comes up empty-handed time and time again. Do they toy with him? I quietly wonder with a smile, no dinner or bait today as the fish got away.

We are calm here, along the water’s edge where no words need to be spoken and time moves slowly as the sun bakes the sand like a cake from scratch, radiating warmth that feels good on feet that walk gently into the barely there waves and life here moves on and the people come and go, in search of what? I don’t really know. Perhaps a cool swim with the life within, or perhaps to find a lost thought or a memory that has escaped for a while?

The old man sits on a tired bench with his plastic cup of beer and just watches the distance, and I want to ask him what it is he seeks, but I just walk away, letting him be. Who am I to intrude as I walk along myself, down the dock surrounded by the beauty of the water.

Somewhere in my mind I have become the mermaid beached, waiting for the moment when the dolphins return and the sun sets bringing a cooling breeze, I wait.

This is a picture (not mine) of the pier we walked on today, my first sight of a manatee and at the end of the pier, men fished while a heron waited for a snack and a few lonely people sat and drank a beer watching the horizon. Beautiful place. Anna Marie Island was the destination for my mystery trip today. What a beauty, truly.

 

The life

There was a moment in life, a yesterday unlike any other and I see the numbers and do some addition, realizing that “that was then and this is now” and that’s okay, somedays it still gets so hard to wrap the mind around it all.

Things change daily and I think the biggest block we trip over, stubbing our toe almost daily is the fact that we can’t go back to “there” because we’re different now than we were then.

I remember the Scrabble games, how you drove me crazy just trying to keep my mind in shape on days when I felt it melting in a puddle of chemo chemicals and I knew you’d let me win to make me feel good, and it did feel good for awhile, but that was then and now we play for real and I never did like competition and I turn and walk away, don’t want to play no more because now I have my faculties and I choose to let it go, it is just a game of wooden tiles….if you knew how I longed to see you use them as smoking wood you would laugh out loud. Things are fine and as I dance like a fool for a smile from you we can just be, us, here and now enjoying each moment that comes along because baby, that’s life and as I sit here listening to the cicadas and you talk to those from yesterday that makes your heart soar, I know you’re happy, right here, right now.

This is the life, the path we’ve chosen and it’s good. It’s so very good and I don’t need a Scrabble game, stupid game I say with a smile as we sit together every night feeling the balmy breeze blow and we have love, and we have health, yeah, we have everything and I couldn’t ask for more, wouldn’t want to really, for this is our life….and it’s enough in its simple perfection. Double word score baby. I think I know now why I grew to hate that game so much. It was a reminder of when I wasn’t in control, when my head ached to remember and I couldn’t, of when I wasn’t sure what tomorrow would bring. I’m okay with that, but still I wonder, what to do with the Q?