There was a moment in life, a yesterday unlike any other and I see the numbers and do some addition, realizing that “that was then and this is now” and that’s okay, somedays it still gets so hard to wrap the mind around it all.
Things change daily and I think the biggest block we trip over, stubbing our toe almost daily is the fact that we can’t go back to “there” because we’re different now than we were then.
I remember the Scrabble games, how you drove me crazy just trying to keep my mind in shape on days when I felt it melting in a puddle of chemo chemicals and I knew you’d let me win to make me feel good, and it did feel good for awhile, but that was then and now we play for real and I never did like competition and I turn and walk away, don’t want to play no more because now I have my faculties and I choose to let it go, it is just a game of wooden tiles….if you knew how I longed to see you use them as smoking wood you would laugh out loud. Things are fine and as I dance like a fool for a smile from you we can just be, us, here and now enjoying each moment that comes along because baby, that’s life and as I sit here listening to the cicadas and you talk to those from yesterday that makes your heart soar, I know you’re happy, right here, right now.
This is the life, the path we’ve chosen and it’s good. It’s so very good and I don’t need a Scrabble game, stupid game I say with a smile as we sit together every night feeling the balmy breeze blow and we have love, and we have health, yeah, we have everything and I couldn’t ask for more, wouldn’t want to really, for this is our life….and it’s enough in its simple perfection. Double word score baby. I think I know now why I grew to hate that game so much. It was a reminder of when I wasn’t in control, when my head ached to remember and I couldn’t, of when I wasn’t sure what tomorrow would bring. I’m okay with that, but still I wonder, what to do with the Q?