Emily opened the drapes to let some light into the room, grabbed a cold water from the refrigerator and sat in the surprisingly comfortable leather chair at the desk. Let’s see what you want to share my friend, she said as she turned to the second page.
November 10th, 1940
The girls are kicking again Samuel, I do so wish you could be here to feel what I feel. The weather here has been pretty good considering, for this time of year. You know you never can tell as the sun comes up what to expect but the girls always seem more restless on nice days. I know, we don’t know they’re going to be girls and you’re hoping for a boy but if there has to be two, I’d like them to be a matching set, kind of like salt and pepper shakers. The doctor said Friday that everything is progressing nicely, the heartbeats sound strong, etc…you know how doctors are, even if something were awry they would never let on. He talked to mother while I was getting dressed and afterwards she seemed a bit off. She said that everything was good but I have a feeling, you know me and my feelings, they’re always spot on. I think there’s something she’s not telling me. You never know which one is which till you turn it over. It’s been hard with you gone but I know it’s necessary so that we can get a place of our own. Mom has been especially kind and work is getting harder as I get larger. The girls don’t make it easy but Mr Johnson said he understands if I cannot clean the offices anymore and to not push myself. He is a kind man and I do believe he is a good-hearted person, even for a lawyer. He will be going on vacation next month so I would have some time off then but at the rate my stomach is growing and the way the girls are fighting in there, I wouldn’t be surprised to see them come out a bit early. I hope the weather is treating you ok on the ship. It must be tough cooking for the guys with the rocking of the waves, but perhaps because the ships so big you don’t feel it as much, you’ve never said so and I can only guess. I received your letter and the money last week but know not to write as you never know where you will be at a given point so I use this as my Samuel correspondence instead. I put the money in the bank and it, like the girls is growing nicely.
I am enjoying writing in this book, perhaps I have found my passion after all, besides you of course, but I have to do something besides wait, you know how I like to keep busy. Mother made me a cake for my birthday and sang for me. She put two candles on the cake as she thought it would be too hard for me to blow out all 21 at this stage and I’m glad she did. It’s hard to believe that in another month you’ll be back and the girls will make their grand entrance. She made my day so very special, and also made my favorite cheesy potato casserole with ham and it was all so divine. It would have been better with you here but we have our lives ahead of us and we will be a family all together before you know it. I miss you my love, so desperately. Oops, there goes little E kicking again. I’ve given them nick-names until we can decide together. E is for Extra hard….she is the absolute worst, where as M is mild, she is going to be a gentle one, unless of course E is kicking M in which case it’s ME that gets no joy. But seriously, for names I like Elizabeth and Emma if they’re girls and if there is a boy and a girl, I like Samuel, for you of course my dear. I’ll stop here as I am getting a bit tired and am going to lay down, will write more later. Take care and I’ll stand beneath our moon tonight and send love letters through the sky to find you on your ship. Five more days till it’s a full moon, so I hope it’s clear out so that I can watch it through my sleep as I dream of our tomorrows. Don’t work too hard, but I know you will. Love you, Emily and the girls?
November 11, 1940
Good morning Samuel, I’m hoping the day is finding you happy and that the weather is cooperating. It is 55 degrees here and it’s going to be a nice day I hear. I had a horrid night sleeping. I can say this here as I know you won’t read it until you get back but it was truly bad. Both girls were kicking and I don’t feel like I got any sleep. I had a nightmare last night. Something bad happened and you had disappeared and I called for you, almost like I was searching in a thick cloud and the babies were coming and I needed you but all I kept hearing was the echo of my voice calling you. It was horrible, I woke up sweating and had to open the window to let in the breeze. I am unsettled and I am afraid the girls may be trying to break free before their time. I’m not ready. Here all this time I thought I was but talking to them in there as opposed to out in the world, moving and crying, well I think I’m just scared. I know you can’t be here right now and that’s ok. I am not going in to work today, Mom said I looked ashen and tired and she called Mr Johnson to beg me off for the day. I think he took it well, I was too tired to ask, just grateful for the time to try to catch up on some sleep. Thank God for Mom. I don’t know what I would do without her here to take care of me. Here I think I’m married and all grown up, two babes on the way and a beautiful man on the wide blue lakes and yet I feel like a child. Be well my love, will write again soon…there goes the girls again, ouch that smarts. Sigh…..
November 12, 1940
My beautiful Samuel, I slept the day through and woke early evening to find Mother asleep in her chair. She had set out dinner for me and another piece of birthday cake that she had frozen. I forgot to tell you, it was chocolate with chocolate butter frosting, not your favorite I know, but I let Mom sleep and I ate quietly, enjoying the peace and flavors of my supper. The girls have been on and off with their antics and I’m tired of being tired. I also found your latest letter next to the place setting and a flower that mother must have cut from the garden. It is a beautiful white rose. She never parts with her roses except for special occasions. She is trying so hard to make it easier for me and I am blessed to have her. Your letter was dated three weeks ago. I’m sure not much changes from week to week but it’s funny as the other letter with the money was from two weeks ago. The postal service on the water is a funny thing indeed. It’s like going back and forth in time. There was talk there was a horrible storm on Lake Michigan yesterday and I hope you are holed up somewhere safe. The SS William B Davock (Big Willie as you so affectionately call it) is so big, I don’t worry of anything drastic happening as seems so safe. Unlike smaller craft, my mind is at ease that all is well. Hope you dressed warm and are staying dry and thinking of me, I know, you always think of me as I always think of you. Will talk soon love. I am going to read for a while and digest my dinner, it isn’t settling well and the girls are boxing again.
Mother just left and I don’t know what to say. They say your ship went down in the storm yesterday. I don’t believe it. I refuse to believe it. I would know if something happened to you, I would feel it to my core if I were to lose you. I cannot let you go, the girls haven’t had a chance to meet you and I’ll be damned if I’m just going to give up and believe this lie. Samuel, say it isn’t true, send me a sign….please, I beg of you, Don’t leave me. I can’t live without you, without you there is no me…Oh God, please I pray, let it be a lie, let Samuel be alive. I can’t bear this, the girls need you. I need you. Please…….
to read part one and two: