Take two

Words swirl bitter

with hints of underlying unforgiveness

for what is will be

as you say there was never another way,

I caution you of the change stirring

like a hurricane brewing on the coast

it will arrive before you expect

for wearing excuses and blinders

you will drown in your own belief

that you cling to like a raft

as it sinks and drags you under.

I see in your eyes you know this truth,

and I am not the one to save you

for I can only ask with no judgement

take heed with these things which you say,

for you will be on that island alone

stranded by your own will

as you ask for favor

yet turn blindly away when offered,

change is coming and it may be slow

but it will arrive

and I will feel sorry for the child within you

that says over again that it’s always been this way,

and I will say one last time

you,

and only you

can change your way.

Thoughts that have been on my mind since last night, a conversation with a gentleman at work, who had words with one of my co-workers. She was gone when I was shutting down ten minutes before the shift end, and she is always there and often stays after the shift to “chat.I do not know why she left so early, I could not ask her. But he made sure as he tried to cover his own behind by letting me know his words he had used and his thoughts on things that had transpired, of which I was not around nor aware of.  I calmly and as nicely as I could, gave him my view on only what he had said to me, not what was said between them (as I still do not know the whole story). I stood up for what I believed in, said the words carefully and with no malice-watched while he back pedaled and explained weakly that when he grew up, that wasn’t such a big deal, it was how he was raised. I only said, “the word you used is Unacceptable and I take offense at it too, only you can change you.” I don’t do well with politics, and I am also professional enough to know that some things should not be spoken about at work or ever about others. I will always defend when the “race” card is brought forth in a “not nice” way, and it may not be much, but for me, it’s a start of a long road that lately seems to be getting longer by the day. I apologize for this rant but it was something I needed to get off of my chest. I will not stand by and hear that word without saying something. It’s a tough haul, being at work and being civil when you just want to shake some sense into someone.

One at a time

I counted them all,

slowly savoring the moment in my fear

of not getting to the end,

of leaving one forgotten behind.

This is what had to be done,

seeing the images that left my thoughts jumbled

like graffiti images on walls

wondering whose hand did create,

what pain was felt when the slashes erupted

in spray painted skylines of wonder,

whose soul could feel this deeply

and were they just another number I counted

on infinite hands.

Could I be as he or she,

living in this bottle contained of joy and peace,

carefully sprinkled like stars on the heavens

and dusting the earth with an Oz-like magic,

could I invoke that smile through tears,

when hope seemed like the midnight sky

letting no light in through steeled clouds,

I still counted them all for I could see

behind the curtain there lay

another like me,

and another and like Pi

going on and forward forever without end,

could I too grasp the immense constellation

of this thing we know as love

and acceptance,

and the glow of warmth filled as I asked

and I knew the sensation of falling into it all,

lost in this pillow of a thousand feathers

and buoyed by the collective

of the universe together

holding hands to catch me as I fell.

When there are no words to describe

the flight of a million blackbirds in the sky,

dotting the blue with such beauty

turning the sun into a speckled yellow robins egg,

cracking the sky open as they dive and soar

I stand in awe some days

by these things I’ve seen

and these feelings that drift through,

I count them all,

for they are all so important

to my heart,

to remember

for when I no longer can

I hope to know once upon a time perhaps I had.