Deep

We dig in
as feelings over-ride the sanity,
lost in this lost world
searching for answers
that dig in deep like roots,
out of sight of rational being
we trip on the unexpected thrust
of an emotion.
No words find the tongue
as the heart covers beneath
a blanket of tiredness
and a search that teaches nothing
we are mired in the thick of fear.
The knowing of repetition finds
and stirs the pot of goodbyes
again and again we need the connection,
little things that push back up
a feeling of being a part
and something bigger than this prevails,
bringing back around the lonely soul
that remembers through tears,
not yet ready
just satisfying the message
that breath is being made
in and out
I exhale this darkness
and reach for sustenance
of a long lost being.

Returned from a lovely vacation back home after a two year absence, had a wonderful meetup with a beautiful soul(Tre) while away and a return home to find my sweet cat missing (the cat sitter had not seen her for a week but the food was being eaten so she thought Smokey was just keeping out of sight). Better or worse, found out the food was being eaten by a stray cat. It has been over three weeks now of watching and waiting, running the gammut of grief and giving myself a gift of some time at a shelter, spending an hour petting and loving the cats that need it as much as I. Say a prayer for little Smokey and I apologize for not being around, just coping the best I can, I know you understand. Loss and me do not get on well together. Still feeding the stray and hoping if she is still out there, someone else is doing the same for my little furbaby. Peace and love, K