A bit of Sunday humor

So….why did the turtle cross the road? The answer that first came to my mind is because he isn’t chicken..but I knew that couldn’t be it. So as I was backing up my car to go fetch the latest thrift store find (a wicker shelf thingy to hold the what used to be our surround sound, that was obsolete at 8 years of old age and isn’t compatable with the new smarter than us TV so now has become our outdoor lanai stereo system) and I look across to see this turtle hightailing it across the parking lot. Now keep in mind, this image is not the same turtle, although that would have been so very cool to see too, because of course anytime something fun and exciting happens, I realize I should have brought the stupid camera, but didn’t. So here goes speedy the turtle heading from the highway, which I should tell you is 45 miles an hour and six lanes….somehow he made it across, not chicken at all, but where was he heading? There are no water bodies on that side that I know of and then it dawned on me. It’s national donut week, so…..he must have been on a quest to rally up a dozen to take back to the swamp to impress his friends. Yummies Donuts and BBQ, yes, two yummy things all in one stop shopping….smart little turtle….and ambitious too. I wonder how he’s gonna cross back over and not get mugged. I could go for a donut….here turtle, turtle…..

SPAM? Oh my……ear worm warning

Sung to the tune of The Candy Man….teeheehee….for my lovie stuck at the airport.

Who can take a can o’SPAM, splash on a little goo
throw it on the smoker add a chunk of wood or two
The spammy man can, oh the Spammy man can
The spammy man can ’cause he mixes it with rub and makes the loaf taste good.

Who can take a meat chunk wrap it in a pie
Let the smoke soak in and leave the foodies with a sigh
The Spammy Man, the Spammy Man can
The Spammy Man can ’cause he cooks it with some love and makes it all taste good.

The Spammy Man makes everything he smokes satisfying and delicious
Now you talk about your BBQ wishes, the puppy gets to lick the dishes.

Oh, who can take the Hormel, slimy pink and clean
Separate the icky and it’s nowhere close to lean
The Spammy Man, oh the Spammy Man can
The Spammy Man can ’cause he Q’s with special rub and makes this crap taste good.

I never cared for SPAM as a kid, but I love the kitschyness of a greasy old school pink blob in a can. I mean, don’t you often wonder what is it? Well,leave it to the hubs to attempt smoking it with some wood and charcoal and OMG, salty goodness, slathered with his homemade BBQ sauce and I think besides the blood pressure heightened from the sodium, I may ask him to make it again in the future. I kept singing this as he made it and like Weird Al, I never believed in not changing up lyrics to add some humor to any situation. My apologies to Willy Wonka and Sammy Davis Jr. And to Hormel too….God knows I eat enough of your beanless chili with my favorite football dip. Please feel free to sing along…..lala lalalala…sorry for the ear worm my friends.

Ageless wisdom…a birthday blog

What a start to a beautiful day, but then again there is something beautiful in every day.
But today is extra special as it is my birthday. I like to tell my friends that I am now thirteen but that would be untrue. Go ahead and guess if you want to, maybe I’ll tell you the real age….not like it’s a big secret….shhhhhh.
So for today my first and maybe only post (haha, I know, right?) I am making a list of things I’ve learned in my years on this little orb we like to call earth.

1. Ice cream cake and too many candles do NOT mix, they do make a mean milkshake though.
2. When strolling out after a nice day of rain, always look Down to see where you’re walking, as the pups will tell you, those are not mud puddle pies.
3. When the foreclosed house has a moving Van pulling in at the crack of dawn, be afraid….be very afraid.
4. If it’s your birthday, you can run around naked outside…ok, I made that up….besides, the moving Van just pulled in. No more skinny dipping.
5. If it’s your birthday you can be queen for the day. To heck with that, I’m a queen every day!!!! See? Kiss the ring….or is that the pope?
6. When cooking food for friends, tenderloin wrapped in diapers on fire is a fun way to let them think they’re not going to get a good meal and I can see them looking at each other, maybe wondering how far to the nearest Burger King . Apologies to my vegan followers.
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7. Just because the sun is shining and the weather lady said there will be no rain, do not, I repeat, DO NOT believe her. She lies all of the time, so wear dark clothes as at my age, wet t-shirt contests just ain’t right.
8. For the ladies, when shaving your legs to go out to a nice dinner, double check in bright light as a swatch of farmer field not mowed does get noticed, if only by yourself after you’ve left the house and you will keep looking at it and then others will too.
9. Wear whatever you want, even if it does not always match. Gotta embrace the stylish you after all, but I still think plaid and polka dots do not go nicely together and tie dye at a formal affair will only serve to getting you kicked out promptly. I don’t know this for a fact, but I would think so.
10. When it’s your birthday you can do whatever you want (except run for president, because who would want that crummy job). You can eat what you want, go where you want, do what you want, etc…..and I think that’s it for now. Gotta go fly my kite and run barefoot in the puddles naked.
Peace friends and have a blessed day full of love, light, and all things good.