They buried Johnny in the cemetery at the edge of town. Jane watched as her mother sat a bouquet of roses on the small casket and felt herself flinch as mama reached for her trembling hand.
“Come here now Jane” mama said with a small sigh. “Say goodbye to your brother and then we can go home.”
Jane walked up to the casket and reached out to touch the deep brown wood, sliding her hand along the brass handle, she felt the coldness of the metal course through her body.
“I wanna go now mama, please, let’s just go, okay?”
Mama wiped the falling tears from her eyes and smiled at her now only child.
“I still don’t know why he would have gone down there by the creek, I warned him too many times about the bees that nest in those trees. I know you were watching him and I want you to know I’m not angry at you, accidents happen and now you’re all I have left, I will just never understand why. He knew he was allergic to bee stings and that he’s gone now just hurts me so bad.”
Jane looked away from her mothers eyes and rubbed at her own face as if wiping away the tears that still hadn’t fallen.
“I know mama, I know. I’ll take care of you now, it’s just you and me, we gotta stick together, through thick and thin, just like you always told me” She sniffled a bit and they headed home in their old car.
Jane left Mama in the kitchen and climbed the stairs up to her and Johnny’s room. Grabbing a box from beneath the bed, she sat down on the floor and pulled the cover off. Jane unwrapped Johnny’s blue shirt and pulled out the nest and doll. She cradled it in her hands and gazed around the closet-like room.
“It’s all mine now Johnny, sorry it had to be this way but you weren’t supposed to be born, it was always gonna be me and Mama, there was no room for you to be here, Mama’s mine and always was.”
Her body began rocking back and forth as she spoke to the voice that always calmed her, she gazed out the window to the creek in the distance her eyes bottomless and empty.
“Sorry I took you to the creek Johnny, but it was the only way. Now it’s mine, all mine.”
Stacks lay in wait
heaping brick-a-brack of yesterdays memories,
sifters will come at night
searching for keepsakes to sell
or prop in empty rooms
with no heed for the meaning
for why it sits waiting for the morning
when what is left behind
will move on rubber down the road
to the empty hole
where excess things that cause pain
will be covered over.
Perhaps in time a tree will grow,
bearing fruit supplied with nutrients
of useless things
and much-loved wood and paper,
glass and things once needed
no longer of use
for she is gone
and the empty rooms bear witness
to the changes taking place
and somewhere there may be a piece left,
something to hold and remember
I can only hope
so as tomorrow comes and the sweet perfume lingers,
the ghost of yesterday will still hang heavy
waiting for the goodbye,
and you will remember once more
the light of a smile that lit the fire
in tender gardens where rosemary grows
and sage blooms light lavender petals
in memory of a light now extinguished
yet is never really gone.
Tomorrow will come
and the empty seat will become nothing,
into the earth once more
and the sun will still shine down
on empty places
where nothing remains
on the edge of the street
where she once lingered.
Tempered by thoughts and feelings,
life collected in boxes
these images of the past,
like photographs and memories
gifting us with recognition of yesterday
and the moments faded for years
and knowing it is us.
We are changing as the years pass us
yet we move along in conjunction
just not realizing at the time
till we look back and see the differences,
glances in mirrors at our road mapped weathered lines
on faces and hands that reach out
to stop it if only for just one moment,
to embrace this very second,
hold it in an embrace
before it slips away.
How is it in a split second
here and then gone on days that should be
filled with a quiet contemplation,
but perhaps this is really the sum of the parts,
to hold gently and feel the heartbeat,
share the last moments in tenderness and love
as the tick tock slows to ceasing,
a breath lingers and is gone
and I feel the sense of soul
rising into a better place.
Grave digger plays in my head,
so that I can feel the rain
as it falls I inhale the damp cool air
slipping a silent goodbye to the remains
a light finds me and I know
it’s gonna be okay for life plays itself out
and the lesson comes in the letting go,
of being present and aware
there is always more,
for there is a light
that tells me so.
A new year and a new day, waking to the commotion and tearing into the darkness to stop the dog/cat/rabbit frenzy. There it sat huddling, shaking as I carefully lifted its quivering body. Gathering it in a towel, I carried it inside. I stroked its velvet fur softly for an hour as I sipped my coffee. Knowing that it most likely would not make it through, chose to share my time shedding love over it like it would be enough to save it, at heart knowing it would only help to soothe me. Life and its lessons, through beauty and the things we devote ourselves to investing in, the love and kindness we all share, the hope and the letting go at times, visions around us if we just only stop and look in a new awareness, appreciation for the little things and the big things. I could think that this was a horrid start to the new year, but it is one more cog in the workings of this life we live, each day should be celebrated, each life should be honored, and even a small wild thing can slip silently away embraced by hands that are always wanting to save. RIP little friend, shine on little angel.
A four-year anniversary here at WP and feeling blessed to be able to share with you the things I find in my life, good and bad, happy and sad. Peace and blessings and sharing the light that found me, and the bunny who I believe shared it with me when I asked for a sign of more, of light and goodness.