Busy daze….

I know, I know, where the heck have I been lately. First I had to share with you what I’ve been doing, or I should say, what Chi’s been doing. A hematoma on her ear blew her up like a balloon, her ear was just a big sack of ick within, so surgery on Monday. Now the cone of shame is her life for the next 14 days. Walking into everything, drugged and “stoned” for the most part for the next 5 days, and off of her game. She did good on her walk today, we shortened it up a bit to not overdo it, and I’m struggling to make my 10K steps on my Fitbit every day, but happy to say I haven’t missed once. 250 steps = 6 laps around the pool in case you ever wondered.

Watercolor classes started this morning, lots of fun and 5 other wonderful “artists” in training with me. I can see a lot of practicing in my future, but perhaps I should have gone into veterinary medicine ’cause I could have used the chunk of change I gave, but all worth it. Unfortunately Chi may get her picture on the vet wall as “worst patient ever”, as the technician climbed on top of her to pin her down to allow the vet to administer a shot to calm her (she was muzzled and she was absolutely FREAKING out-which for her at the vet is normal), needless to say, she bucked the poor woman off into a wall and ripped a nice gash into her arm with one of her sharp claws-of which she only has two, the rest are whittled down from pavement walking daily. Someone there thought the tech needed stitches but I heard they only butterflied it. So……lets just say that no one would touch her after they got her sedated (in the back room with ALOT of guttural screaming). Talk about exhausting, but on a good note, when she goes to get her stitches out in two weeks, I have a dose of “calming-happy-don’t hurt the vet” pills to give her before we get there. Cross your fingers they work. So my friends, it’s not for having nothing to say here, it’s just that I’ve been a bit distracted and busy. I know you’ll understand, and in two weeks I may be able to accomplish a full night of sleep once the bucket comes off. If not, I may need one.

Wish the Chi luck with her healing and Apple gets to meet the vet on Friday (she tends to be a much more pleasant patient than the Chi) thank heavens. I will be back soon, Lord willing and calmness finds us soon I pray. Hi from my world, will catch up on my reading soon so don’t think I’m ignoring you, gets tough when the dog wants to lay on the keyboard and get loved ❤ but I don’t blame her in the least. Peace and blessings, K

Knowing

We can see an image and feel

knowing that a sharp edge will indeed draw blood,

that care must be taken

and we have learned this from somewhere

someplace in our lives.

Like fire, we know that if we get too close

we shall be burnt,

we will blister and peel

as someone taught us this too.

Why then when we see injustice

do we turn a blind eye, seeing the pain

and the fear

and realizing like seeing a malnourished pup

we want to hold accountable the soul

who had no soul,

who was able to do this so easily

as if it didn’t matter,

humanity sits before us

and we watch with glassy eyes the images

feeling bad yet doing nothing

perhaps thinking we won’t matter

why bother

why try.

We light our candles

we say our prayers

but until we reach out in faith and hope

that some day we will wake up to a better place

because it was us who did something

anything

besides lip service

and turning the channel so as not to bear witness

thinking what we don’t see

does not exist,

we must have the courage to speak

we must take that step beyond the comfort

we must do it now.

 

I don’t get involved in politics, just ain’t my cup of tea as far as the election goes and I know a lot of people are quite spirited in their opinions, I just chose to be silent on that end. Yesterday I got a pretty huge flyer in the mail, little various pink woman shaped cookie cutter forms on the back, although I had to unfold it to see what it was about, quite happy that breast cancer awareness must have been responsible, yet in each cutout were words. Now it pissed me off, the first one said “Young and beautiful Piece of Ass”….then “fat pigs”, etc…now normally I would just throw it out and be done with it but I was thinking back as a young kid I was always excited to go get the mail, and I wonder if I were a seven-year old who knew how to read, and ran in to show it to mom, reading the words out loud, I would have gotten smacked for sure. What in the name of all that’s good gets into people’s minds…who would mail this? Now politics on tv, I can easily choose not to watch, but when it arrives in the US postal mail, now that made me angry. It’s a cute document, until you read it. Now tell me, if your child brought this in and read it to you, what would you think? Perhaps it’s just me, and it’s nothing I would normally share but it still makes me angry. Yes, the person who “said it” has his own opinions, yet do I really need to get this in my mailbox? Go door to door if you must and hand it to an adult. Really, I often wonder where these peoples heads are at….and you wonder why I dislike politics. Case in point. Now I have to start screening my mail? Perhaps make it smaller and not the size of my mailbox…or better yet…save the postage and don’t send it at all. Rant over, thanks for letting me roll this. Last politic post EVER, I promise 🙂

Peace and balance, K

The trouble with yesterday

We watched the screen while we lived the tale

Cinderella stories of broken hearts unlike the tried and true

as we crept on eggshells through the days that made

the growing bones and curves blossoming

how we still felt incomplete.

We thought we had the answers

learned from source of glamorous mags

and photos of how it should be

that in the end conflicted with how it was.

We skipped in darkened corners,

hidden kisses that thrilled the soul

from tepid boys who practiced first

on arms and pillows

and blushing we looked away perhaps in fear

of the feelings rising

and the need to be a part of this whole.

Memories of makeup on shelves

as we peruse the lipstick and pink powder colors

trying to be better than we felt on the inside

and we lifted the cologne and inhaled the scent

of the beautiful boy who bumped us in fast paced hallways

yet lingered just a second too long

and the Polo heady in our heads as we sat dreaming

through social studies of prince charming

and being asked to the ball,

as the shrill bell rings reminding us to move along

we exit heavy doors and walk into the maelstrom

as against the grey cold lockers, he’s kissing her

like a known lover

and we feel the mascara that we shouldn’t have on

fall in black raindrops

as the wallflower wilts

under the memories of yesterday once more.

There were no party dresses for the shy

no words of true love for the needy soul,

just the hopeless feeling that life would always be

this dark and lonely place

and I wonder now where that girl has gone

as she stands makeup free yet beautiful within,

where has she gone, that shy tired girl

who dreamed for the movie as a child

and now lives the world of the belle of her ball today.

Do our minds twist and distort the reality,

do we grow stronger through the acts of the life play

and though the Polo brings a smile

it is in sweetness and a hint of laughter….

where are you now Oh Quarterback God?

Do you think of those days in fondness or despair…

but then again

that part of me no longer cares

for I am whole

wise

and more than enough

living this life of my making.

Empty spaces

I stood before the blank canvas,

dirty walls waiting for words like graffiti to adorn

the scarred semblance of what once was

uniform indifference of childhood art

hard to discern

yet valued beyond measure.

Waiting in the cage trapped

eyes like the pained dog that cries in silence

hardship so easy to remedy

understanding so hard to embrace

as it is as it was

and the slate waits for the hand to take chalk

to draw the dream that still waits

after time wasted

the mind tired.

What is it that we do to inspire a heartbeat,

a pulse in rhythm,

music of the soul

that waits below the surface waiting for release

yearning for the moment to be free to be

and the moment comes

as we sit unsure where to move to next

left to right in this waltz of life

and as it returns to the same beat left behind

finally moving

flowing like the waves that waited for their name to be called,

to step up to the moment and wash away the past,

to ride on boards of thoughts

we surf the universe

we capture the stars in our hands like confetti

that falls as the celebration comes to its end

and we hang on dearly to that last little piece

afraid to let it go

to forget this moment

yet still happy for being in the moment

and at peace for the release.

I pray tonight my internet issues have come to their conclusion. It has been traumatic to me to say the least, just ask the Mr., but I pray I wake tomorrow to find my clean slate, the universal world synchronized and moving at its pace and that no more rising blood pressure will find me. I have missed a lot of catching up, having to clear my inbox of so many of you left to catch up on, and for that I apologize. Technology has never been my strong forte and from here on out I hope to be back to normalcy, God willing and the creek don’t rise I think is how the phrase goes. I’ve missed you, I’m back and tomorrow is a new day waiting….let the rhythm of life resume its pace, and leave me a happy woman once more. Peace and love and to all of my new followers, if I haven’t responded, unfollow and refollow and I can find you once more. ❤ K

Escape

Step by slow step,
the weight balanced by a single handle
rocking back and forth
careening into legs
as we walk through the grass to the water.
High stems bow gently in the breeze,
tickling the legs as I walk past,
shuffling along as the water gets closer,
almost there.
I take a breath of the moist salted air
as I set the weight down,
Jadis sits on the sand eager for our trip.
Burning pain brings me from my reverie,
looking down in dismay at the dreaded color
red like cherries
feasting on the flesh,
killer ants attacking my lovely skin
as red welts rise up to greet my dismay.
I slap myself here
then there
then here again wondering
from what bowel of Hell did these emerge from?
We walk back for the second craft
and I watch the ground for blatant party hot spots
yet what do I see,
but the tall strand of grass mocking me,
a line of ants just waiting to catch a ride
to score a free meal
on my tender juicy flesh,
but I’m not down with that
so I move away,
no free ride today
’cause we’ve got places to go
and sights to see,
so I’ll not have some insects feasting on me,
so we push to the water
and gliding away
beneath the meandering clouds
into the peaceful mangroves….
to hear a big splash….
wondering what the heck was that?
Nope,
Not looking back.

Thoghts on another beautiful kayak ride today, only to find nasty little ants biting me as we carried the crafts down the path to the water….nasty little things I tell ya, nasty…..not sure what the big splash was but it went from where we had the boats and into the water…..gulp…..gator water….eyes wide open and heart beating like a wildman….nature at its best.

From here I see….

Forever in a heart that beats

staccato rhythm endlessly emerges

too fast for the night skies that slip silently away

drums beat on a beach

nowhere near to here.

Eyes that see blue waters

soothing motion should settle the mind

and I remember why I came

to the peace of a sunny day spent

wandering history and ruins.

The ease of days unfold

seem ramping into a new place

and an old time and perhaps it is only fear

replacing the knowledge of all that is

but in the morning light nothing changes

and the heart keeps beating

until it doesn’t.

The weight of action within stirs like a cauldron

and the grasping of hands pulls tight

like a dog on a leash chasing squirrels

and I am pulled about and it hurts

this tightening and I long for sleep but it eludes me

like a moment of solitary thought that slipped silently in

then like a whisper was gone,

headed for tomorrow

without a map.

I sit here with this god awful heartburn, something I have not had in almost two months….waiting for an antacid to kick in and soothe….but more irritated as I’m ready for bed and I dread a reflux if I lay prone….but on a good note, got the little fraidy pup into the pool today for a much needed bath? or at least a cooling swim….I think the little idgit was trying to capsize me in my floaty craft…but I made it out with almost dry hair….Yay me 🙂 she on the other hand is a little better to look at and smell….no dirt in the bed, nope…not gonna happen. Don’t ask me what this poem is about, I just went with it….who knows…I need sleep right about now…past my bedtime 🙂 sorry no image to accompany it….I honestly don’t know what I would put except a bottle of Rolaids at this point….wish me luck it makes it stop….grrrr…

Simply life

You are the flower
Sewing seeds upon this world
Giving life
Where emptiness had been found.
Heart laid bare
Surviving the days
Moving forward
Regaining the semblance of order
When needed most.
I come to you
Words trying to convey calm
As I feel you hold me from behind
Tears falling free
No judgement just raw emotion
And the fear that is spoken
I cast aside
As I am not ready yet to let this moment pass,
The feel of you holding me
An adult yet still the child
Hanging on to composure
Not letting you see
The tipping point of tears,
No, not yet,
This is not the time
For goodbyes,
Just a simple life I love you
From daughter to mother.
We’ve been down this road before,
Strewn with the silence of tomorrow,
Holding back to go the distance,
As you sat by my side,
Chemicals invading each inch
As red poison flowed through
You held my hand
You were the strength
You were there simply being you.
I will be there
Not deserting my post
To hold your hand or dry your tears
To be the one this time round,
Simply life moments
That come and go for each of us,
Just a simple love from the deepest wells
Full of wishes.
Tomorrow will dawn clear,
Sunshine will come and bestow the gifts
Of bigger and better days
And we will be there together,
Walking your garden
And plucking a bloom,
Reveling in the beauty of this life,
Grateful for the simplicity
Of a love born so long ago
That nothing,
Not even time or age
Can ever destroy.

Hidden within

Amongst the beauty

gentle thoughts

like the petal of silk

touching gently with a smile

hidden below

it only takes one prick

piercing suddenly

the thorn that cuts

drawing blood

leaving a trail of sadness

marring simple moments

with pain.

rise up and mend the wound

heal it with inner love,

perhaps at least to try.

 

on rising above words regardless.

Edges of life

Round world spins
We move in and out living
Breathing
Loving
Leaving
Hellos and goodbyes.
Friends we meet and friends we’ve yet to,
Turning corners and falling off shelves
We’ve built for ourselves
So many emotions flowing through
Rivers of tears
Rays of laughter
Sonnets of love
Spoken aloud in the dark.
We find ourselves constantly
Moving
Coming
Going
When we reach the edge do we trust
Do we hold out a hand
Do we step forward alone
Or do we turn back around
And walk back the way we came.
I do not carry answers
I just move to my drummer
My heartbeat
Keeping pace
Faster
Slower
Sometimes a quiet echo barely heard.
We look to the sky for answers
Stars and color and a solitary dream,
But we do listen for the direction,
Then we strain to hear some more,
Maybe not believing
If it’s not what we want to hear
Or believing in blind faith
A friend to help us through,
Everything falls in line,
Maybe with no sense at all.
But in the insanity of a throbbing heart
That stands along the edge,
There is something bigger than us all,
Leading us to this moment,
The edge of our truth
Or the hurt of a wound bleeding
Pain tries to cover itself,
Wrapped in words to soothe.
Sometimes the cut that’s deepest
Is the one that needs the most
Time to be left alone
To scab and finally heal.

On Becoming

Simple can
Soup emptied week gone by
Touch of rust
On edges
Brown spots of corrosion
Natures cycle.
Sponge in soap turn
Round within
Slices like butter
Crescent cut at base
Ring finger right
Blood flows red
Running river
Drip drip.
I cry out
Breathe in and out
Standing alone
Elevate and whimper
And I stop stunned.
I know the voice,
So many years since I’ve heard
The intonation,
The pain within,
My mother’s voice
Fell from my tongue
Words of shock
Pain,
Where did I become
A part of the whole,
When did her voice
Become mine.
A part of a cycle
Round and back
And I think within
The message stands staring
Waiting
As the blood drop hit the floor
I became
Whole.